How to Cope With Parenting Differences

"When parents have different opinions on raising their children, it can create tension or anxiety in the home," says Jaclyn Gulotta, PhD, LMHC, a licensed mental health counselor, parenting coordinator, and Florida Supreme Court certified family mediator. "Children may also feel that tension and anxiety [especially] if parents disagree in front of them.

"Consequences of having a difference in parenting include more conflict, emotional and physical disconnect, lack of trust, and behavioral changes," says Dr. Gulotta. That's why it's vital to learn how to collaborate and come to a more unified approach to parenting.

Talk It Out

Ideally, you and your partner discussed your parenting strategies long before you decided to have children together. But even if you didn't, it's not too late to start. Share your parenting philosophies with each other. Talk about how you were parented as well as what you want to do the same and what you want to do differently than your own parents.

Being willing to listen to your partner and hear their reasons for their personal views makes it easier to move forward.

— JACLYN GULOTTA, PHD, LMHC

"Being willing to listen to your partner and hear their reasons for their personal views makes it easier to move forward," says Dr. Gulotta. "By listening to understand, each parent will gain more insight and will be able to express their own concerns and be honest with their feelings."

When you sit down to talk, ask your partner about issues where you might disagree, such as what reasonable discipline looks like, what is an appropriate bedtime for your kids, and whether children should get an allowance. Remember, that it is normal to disagree. The key is that you communicate respectfully with one another and learn how to make some compromises.

"Even when you do not agree with your partner, it is best to validate their feelings and keep an open mind," says Dr. Gulotta. "This helps to de-escalate conversations and to keep the focus on problem-solving. Remembering that you are a team is also helpful."